To Put Feelings Into Words
by elepig
Summary: Niff short: Nick's done with pretending he doesn't have feelings for Jeff. Even if it screws up their friendship, he knows he has to give it a shot.


It really doesn't take too much for a person to crack. Nick found that out the hard way. He was sitting in the Warbler common room, within hearing distance of his friends. Yet, he had never felt so far away. Looking over at Jeff, Nick realised that it couldn't go on forever. The innocent hand holding, the secret glances, the inside jokes. At some point, it would all blow up in his face, and Nick knows that once it happened, there was no going back. He shouldn't have been feeling this way. He was never so... unprepared. He felt like his usual calm, composed mask had been stripped away, leaving him naked to the world. But he couldn't help it.

Once upon a time, it had been simpler. Nick remembered the first day of freshman year, when he'd first entered what would be his dorm room for the rest of his high school career. He'd thrown his bags into a corner and flopped down on one of the two twin beds in the room, intending to enjoy the peace and quiet while he could. Not even a minute later, the door was thrown open, and a blonde haired boy that Nick would later learn was named Jeff barged into the room. Nick had nearly gotten a heart attack from the abrupt entrance, but yet he couldn't begrudge Jeff for it. After all, it was hard to be mad at someone who lit up a room with a simple, but enthusiastic "Hello".

Nick sighed, coming back to the present. He looked around at his friends and their crazy antics, running his hands through his hair in frustration. It had been so easy, then. The friendship was instantaneous, and so purely effortless. It was everything that Nick could have wanted, but yet it wasn't enough. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate what he had with Jeff; he did wholeheartedly, and cherished it every single day. There were times, however, that his eyes would accidentally fall on Jeff, and his heart would tug because they would never be anything more than what they were.

He'd tried. Nick had done his very best to put his feelings into words, but to no avail. It was as if his emotions were too strong to be conveyed by ever so simplistic words. And yet, Nick couldn't stand to sit around doing nothing. He was stuck at an impasse and he knew it. But he also knew that things couldn't stay the same for much longer.

He turned his head to the side, eyes meeting Jeff's. "Can I talk to you?" He asked in a whisper, not trusting his voice.

Jeff nodded, standing up. Nick was struck again by how beautiful his best friend was. It still seemed unbelievable. The pair of them walked down the halls of Dalton together, hands occasionally brushing. Nick forced himself not to dwell too much on it. The silence stretched on, strange but not really awkward. It never was. Nick knew that Jeff was probably more than a little confused, but didn't stop to think about. He couldn't talk himself out of this. Not now. He watched the way their feet moved, side by side and always in sync. They both knew where they were going. The room that they had shared had been witness to more secrets than they could count. Nick frowned bitterly. It was too bad that this secret had the potential t ruin the friendship that they'd built for themselves.

"Nick?" The quiet voice came out of nowhere, startling him. He looked up, realising that they were at their door. Nick took a deep breath as he unlocked the door and held it open for Jeff.

They settled on Jeff's bed; how they always did when one of them wanted to talk about something serious. In the past, it had been parents or college or Warbler drama. Nick's eyes stung as he realised that what he was about to do could change everything.

"Hey, are you crying?"

Nick shook his head furiously, blinking back the tears that were threatening to overflow. "No, I'm fine." His voice cracked embarrassingly, but he paid it no attention.

"Then what's wrong?"

The heartbreakingly kind voice rattled Nick as he looked into Jeff's worried eyes. "I-I just need to do something... and it might freak you out, and I'm so, so sorry about that, but I need to know. I need to figure if it'll ever work... if I have the slightest change. And even if it doesn't, I'll know that I tried. I might lose you, but you won't ever lose me. You're too important for me, for my life, to ever let go... and I just... I..." He broke down in sobs as the reality of what he was about to do settled upon him. Nothing more important had ever been at stake.

"Hey," Soft hands clasped his, and he looked up at Jeff. "Nothing's ever going to change. I promise you."

Nick sighed. If only Jeff knew. "Don't make promises you can't keep." He said finally, dread forming in the pit of his stomach.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, but what are you—"

Nick cut him off by cupping Jeff's face in his hands, softly stroking the skin and involuntarily sighing over the silky feel. Hesitating only a moment more, he leaned forward, shoulders tensed, and pressed his lips to Jeff's. It took a few seconds, but soon Jeff wound his arms around Nick's, increasing the amount of contact they shared. The experience was warm and perfect and surreal; everything Nick could have hoped for in a first kiss. Over far too soon, they pulled away, foreheads against each other's.

"Well?" Nick asked, slightly breathless and overly ecstatic. "What do you think?"

Jeff's response only made him happier with a soft "I love you, too."

**a/n**

**WHEW. It's been a while since I've posted, huh. Weeeeeell all I can say is sorry. Life caught up with me, and I've been writing on another account, so yeah. This is a rough thing. It came out of nowhere and was written in like ten minutes. sorry if it sucks, but I had Niff feels and I needed to get them out. No proofreading done, and there's probably a looot of repetition, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! :)**


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